Dealing With Rage
by
Lynette Thomas
You live in an era of time that is loaded with ‘road rage’, ‘inconvenience rage’, ‘racial rage’, ‘patriotic rage’, ‘religious rage’ and a lot of other rages that are the result of various aggravating, or threatening, events. Rage that has the seal of murder in it.
A shot fired through his rear window, killed a driver, during an argument with another driver. It is no wonder then, that on average, around 1,500 people are killed, or injured every year, as the result of road rage.
Some rage may have what at first seems to be more ‘innocent’. I have just finished reading a blog where the author openly admitted to his rage over the fact that an easy-to-use-and-access-the-terminal car park was under construction. When he arrived to pick his wife up at the airport, he found he had to go further out from the arrivals lounge and take a ferry-bus back. On their return, he couldnt remember which bus to take and exactly where the car park was. He snorted and carried on at an elderly driver of a taxi, who suggested he ‘pipe down’ for the sake of his family, standing by in dumb silence, waiting for their real dad to replace this angry stranger.
You live in a day with all the whiz bang time-saving devices you can dream of, yet you find yourself more and more stressed, always short of time and bombarded with those ‘absolutely must do’ lists. You drive yourself and everyone around you crazy, and then you blow up over the most innocent of circumstances. So it is time to take a good long hard critique of yourself and what your behavior is all about. To begin with, you need to get an understanding of what rage is and is not.
While rage is the extreme and concentrated edge-range of anger, it is not the same as anger. It is important to feel anger, so as to be able to guard yourself and stand up against wrongs. Rage on the other hand, is an overpowering emotion that is a reaction to a situation. This makes it very difficult to feel (a sensation, or energy of the body), while reason (intellect) is flies away.
Rage occurs as a reaction to the threat (real or imagined) of serious danger, leading to either physical, or psychological harm, which throws you in the fight or flight reaction. The exact same adrenaline surge saves the life of a wild animal.
Rage is mostly caused by an unanticipated situation, which leaves you with the feeling you are out of control. It is more often than not, the buildup of anger which has accumulated from past traumas. It overpowers you, causing detriment to your health and social life and those around you, even if bystanders have nothing to do with the cause of your white-hot fury.
Professionals say a lot of rage is caused because people have been forced to suppress the expression of a healthy anger, until it turns into an underlying hostility. “You cant say that”!, or, “That is not the way you should be acting right now”! are not the things to say to try to calm down a person who is detonating in fury.
Just like everybody else, you have all the skills necessary to turn into the screaming, paddy-throwing two year old brat you once were. The difference is, as an adult out of control, you can do a lot of damage, both to yourself and to those you care for the most.
One in twenty people suffer from Intermittent Explosive Disorder (IED). This is a furious over-reaction to the unexpected events and stress of everyday. It is distinguished by its frequency, severity, uncontrollability and non-negotiability. Recent studies have revealed there are a lot more occurrences of IED than was first predicted.
Here are some simple tips that could assist you the next time you find yourself tempted to lose it:
1.Be responsible for yourself. It doesnt matter what the situation is, you are responsible in the end, for how you feel and react. You cannot point the finger at others.
2.Face your rage and dont try to contradict what you are experiencing. In other words, accept your rage.
3.You are the only person who can alter what you are experiencing.
4.Do not play the part of victim. That is a sure way to make sure the other side wins.
5.You have to consciously make an effort to gain a hold of yourself and control the rage. Find a healthy alternative outlet your emotions.
6.Beat a pillow if you need to release the unexpressed feelings, rather than punch a person, (even verbally).
7.Put on paper what is bothering you, uncensored.
8.Understand that you can work your way beyond your rage, without hurting anybody else or yourself.
9.Allow yourself some space in order to come to terms with the power of your emotions, before you begin to try to deal with others. Step out of the situation and take a few good deep breaths. The old saying, ‘Count to ten’, is a good one.
10.Make sure innocent bystanders are not driven into thinking they are the problem of why you are acting the way you are.
11.At the close of the day, no matter what you have been through, you have to live with the effects of your actions and reactions.
12.Above all, try to find out if your bouts of rage are ‘pain in disguise’. If so, concede to the hurt and do something about it, even if it means submitting to professional help. Speak with a friend, or a doctor, if you find yourself uncontrollable.
It takes courage to take an honest look at yourself. The fact you are taking time out to read this shows that you have the kind of courage you will need to deal with rage.
Dr Wendy Stenberg-Tendys and her husband are CEO’s of YouMe Support Foundation, (http://youmesupport.org). They supply high school education grants to kids who will never go to high school without outside assistance. You can take part in this exciting project. Take a few minutes to check out Win A Resort. http://winaresort.com
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